


at the end of it all

by SidewaysClarinet



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Apologies, But not rlly tbh it's pretty vague, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, Pre-Relationship, Shiemi is a blessing, Sliiiiiight manga spoilers, Yukio Goes To Therapy, Yukio doesnt really think he deserves her (but he will one day), Yukio doesnt rlly know how to take confessions from people he actually likes LMAO, awkward confessions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:08:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26377801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SidewaysClarinet/pseuds/SidewaysClarinet
Summary: Out of all of the apologies Yukio has had to make over the past couple of days, the one looming before him is making him the most nervous.
Relationships: Moriyama Shiemi/Okumura Yukio
Comments: 17
Kudos: 27





	at the end of it all

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I'm sorry to throw this up with no warning, but I was refreshed by Yukio/Shiemi art by the wonderful @kiomeyasha9 and decided to post a oneshot I've had in the drafts for a while! I have other Yukio/Shiemi fics/oneshots that I've been thinking about and working on, as well as upcoming Shiemi/Yukio/Shima content ;D Stay tuned for more!

Out of all of the apologies Yukio has had to make over the past couple of days, the one looming before him is making him the most nervous.

There’s no reason for it, really. She’s certainly not the one he’s hurt the worst (he thinks Rin might take the cake on that one, or perhaps Suguro, or Shura…), and neither is she the one he’d expect to be the most unforgiving. Logically, he knows it won’t be a problem at all. Shiemi is kind, and understanding, and supportive, and there is no reason for him to be hesitant whatsoever. And yet, here he is, at the doorstep of her shop, and he is procrastinating.

He’s being a coward, and he knows it. He’s been nothing but a coward these days, really. Shoving someone as kind as Shiemi is surely proof of that. His thoughts drag him down, chip away his resolve piece by piece.

Maybe he should just leave… surely he could write her a note, or call her, or even just come back another day. He doesn’t have to do this now, he reasons to himself. 

Even so, Yukio could practically feel Rin’s hand at his back- reassuring and chiding in turn. It’s been years since he’s let himself rely on his brother, but for just a moment, he imagines that Rin is there rooting him on. It works, just a little, if only because he knows Rin would verbally flay him alive if he heard that Yukio chickened out.

So, he takes a breath and reaches a shaking (why is he shaking?) hand out to knock on the door. There’s a few seconds of silence, where he once again contemplates just running away, but then he can hear the shuffling of feet and a voice that cried out, “Just a minute!”

He tenses, and waist on pins and needles as the doorknob jiggles and finally opens. It’s Shiemi who opens the door (of course, who else?), and when she sees him, both her mouth and eyes open wide. Yukio forces a smile and gives something of a wave, but Shiemi only stares at him blankly before startling.

“Oh!” Her cheeks flush with embarrassment, and a hand raises to her chest. “Yuki! I wasn’t expecting you!”

_ You idiot, you forgot to call ahead!  _ His smile falters, becomes harder to hold onto. “Ah, I’m sorry. Should I come back another time?”

She shakes her head furiously, so hard that Nii is almost flung from her shoulders. “No, come in, come in!”

Before he can debate finding an excuse to leave, she startles him by reaching down to grab his hand and pull him into the store. The sweet scent of herbs and flowers hits his nose, and eases a bit of his nerves as she pulls him in. He can’t help how his eyes wander down to their joined hands, where Shiemi’s grip is gentle yet firm on his fingers. She’s offering no escape, and the assertiveness both comforts and confuses him.

She pulls him to the familiar kotatsu, where a stack of papers and a set of tea already sits. She must’ve been studying, then, and he feels a bit guilty once again. Shiemi only releases his hand to sit herself down at the kotatsu, and he knows this is the moment of truth here. He kneels down as well, but when she goes to pour him a cup of tea, he continues leaning down further until his forehead is pressed to the warm floor.

“Yuki?” She squeaks, hands hesitant on his shoulders.

“I’m sorry,” He says, before he can lose his nerve. He needs to get this out, and he knows that if he stops and thinks about it too much, he’ll chicken out. “For pushing you, and pushing you away. I was being unfair and unkind to you, and you didn’t deserve it. I’m sorry.”

Shiemi’s hands settle on his shoulders, and she is still for a long few seconds. Yukio doesn’t dare move, even when his wrists ache from where his hands are pressed to the floor.

“Yukio, pick your head up, please,” She murmurs. There’s something unreadable in her voice,and it sets his nerves alight when he finally leans back on creaking knees.

Shiemi’s expression is no more clear than her voice was, but she shuffles forward on her knees and leans up to grasp his face in her hands. It’s extremely forward for her, and he finds his cheeks warming as she brings her face close to his. 

“It was mean,” she agrees. “But you were hurting. I wasn’t mad, I was just… really, really worried about you.”

He blinks, eyes wide. “But-”

“I forgive you.”

Yukio can feel how genuine she is, though it’s hard for him to believe. It’s hard for him to believe that anyone is forgiving him- not Shiemi, not Rin, not his students. It burns him, almost. He doesn’t deserve it.

It’s the only thing he can think, with Shiemi’s kind hands on his face as he looks down at his knees. He doesn’t deserve this.

It almost feels like she can sense it, with how her body settles back down. She holds his face firmer, though, and turns his chin up until she catches his eyes. It’s then that she pulls him forward, and leans closer until her arms wrap up and around his neck. Her fingers traced up the back of his head and tilt it down until he’s pressed against her shoulder, and she holds him tight.

It’s suffocating, in how freeing it feels. He forgot how much he needed this, wanted it. A sort of touch starved part of him drinks the affection in greedily, and though it makes him feel like the worst person to exist, he can’t help but hug her back, if only just a little.

He doesn’t deserve this, but… he wants to have it, just for a minute.

“You need help, Yuki.” She murmurs. “Not punishment. Help.”

It hits him harder than he thought it would. Yukio sucks in a breath anyways, like the words physically hit him. He knows he’s fucked up, he’s always known. He wishes he was normal. He wishes he wasn’t so wrong and ill. He wishes he could just go back ten years and stop himself from ever choosing this life.

He stops himself before he can go further, but the damage is already done. The floodgates burst open, and with them comes the drowning wave of self-hatred and disgust and anger he’d been holding back for days now. He doesn’t lash out at her this time, only clings her close like some oversized child holding onto their mother.

It’s pathetic, and his eyes are watering, and Shiemi only holds him closer and runs a gentle hand through his hair. It’s more than he deserves, and everything he needs.

“We’re going to get you some help,” Shiemi assures him, nails scratching pleasantly along his scalp and down his neck. “And they’ll help you feel better, and you won’t be so hurt anymore.”

Yukio knows it’s not that easy, but she makes him want to believe it is.

“Do you want it, though? Help?”

She sounds unsure with that, and he breathes out a humorless, wet laugh.

“Yes,” He warbles out, voice cracking. “I do.”

“Then we’ll get you there.” Shiemi says, and he can hear her smile.

She pulls back, and it’s far too soon for his liking, but her grin is broad and her eyes are bright.

“This will be a fresh start! You have Rin, and Kirigakure-sensei, and Suguro-kun, and Kamiki-chan, and-” she stops, turning a bit red. “-and me, too, if you’ll have me?”

_ Of course,  _ he goes to say, not even thinking about it. He and Shiemi have known each other for years, of course he wants her with him. But there’s somewhat of a different kind of hope in her eyes, and his mouth falls open a little as he realizes.

She does, as well, and waves her hands frantically. “I don’t mean now! I mean, obviously, that would be a very bad idea, because you’re still hurting, and that would be too much for you, and I don’t even know what I’m doing really or what I’m saying but I-”

“Shiemi-” He swallows, throat dry. He can’t think of what to say. He’s received confessions countless times, but this one makes him pause. He doesn’t want to say no, he realizes. He doesn’t want to turn her down, but he can’t… say yes, he knows. When Yukio speaks, it’s hesitant, unsure. “Can I think about it?”

“Of course!” She says, bright red and obviously mortified. “I didn’t mean-”

“It’s not a no,” he can feel his own embarrassment cropping up as they verbally stumble over each other. “I just…”

“This was very bad timing,” Shiemi blurts, and it startles a bit of a laugh out of him, just to see how much she looks as if she wants to crawl in a hole and never return. “I am… so sorry, just pretend I never said anything!”

“No, I-!” he stops himself before he can say anything embarrassing, but she catches on, and now they’re both bright red. “I just… I want to, um, come back to this. When I’m better. I don’t want to…”

... _ hurt you again,  _ goes unspoken, but clearly heard. She nods, no less red, but her expression is more understanding. At least he’s sure now that she wasn’t misinterpreting him, but it’s no less awkward.

“It’s no pressure, or anything!” Shiemi waves her hands. “I want you to be better too, and not because I want to date you! Not that I- not that I want to date you, I just, well, maybe- no! Forget I said anything, I-”

Yukio can’t think of anything to say, and instead takes her hand in his, and squeezes it a bit as her tirade screeches to a halt. She looks at him, eyes wide, but gradually relaxes just a bit as she turns her fingers in his grip and squeezes him back. She smiles a bit shyly, still red.

“Tea?” She asks.

Yukio can’t help the smile, and it feels much more genuine now. There’s still a strange mix of emotions in his chest and the fresh, raw wounds their talk had torn open, but tea was a start, and tea was familiar, and tea was a distraction.

It’s certainly still awkward when she hands him his own cup, and when they both take a sip and sit in silence. But when Shiemi can manage to smile up at him again, he feels like he’s finally taking a step in the right direction.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and criticisms are always appreciated!


End file.
